Can my teacher/coach “out” me to my parents?
The issue regarding a student’s right to privacy versus the right of a parent to know about bullying at school is an ongoing debate. Some states have passed legislation requiring school officials to notify parents when a student is bullied on campus or at a school event, or when the student is bullying others.
What are parental notification laws?
Connecticut, Louisiana, Massachusetts, Nevada, New Jersey, Rhode Island, Virginia and Wisconsin have statewide requirements for parental notification of bullying. Some require notification before any student under 18 is interviewed at school, while others call for notification within a stated time period (i.e. 24 or 48 hours).
What if the bullying is based on a belief that the victim is gay or lesbian? The student may not be “out” at home or to anyone in the community. How does the school official notify the parents in this situation. Should the school put the student’s wish to remain in the closet above a parent’s right to know? New Jersey is one state that is considering leaving the decision to the school on a case-by-case basis. You can check your school’s Code of Conduct or district policy about parental notification for information that applies to you and your family.
A case in point involves New York middle school student Jacobe Taras. Taunted by bullies at school and on the bus, Jacobe wrote in his notebook: “Dear Mom and Dad. I’m sorry but I can not live anymore. I just can’t deal with all the bullies, being called gay . . .being told to go kill myself. I’m also done with being pushed, punched, tripped. I LOVE YOU.” Jacobe killed himself with his father’s shotgun. He was 13 years old. Jacobe’s parents filed a lawsuit in federal court against the school district for failing to protect their son from bullies. Jacobe’s Law is pending before the New York legislature requiring notification to parents/guardians of all bullying incidents at school (S 1355B).
We have written about this before. See Skye’s story below. Her case was settled before going to trial.
Photo by Samantha Jade Royds (Flickr)
I was in the lockeroom with two friends because I was sick. The coach wrote us up for ditching. Is any of this against law?
Dear Ana: What you describe isn’t against the law, but may be a violation of a school rule. Discuss this with your parents. They can contact the principal or vice-principal for an explanation, and request that this be removed from your record. Good luck.
(This is information only – not legal advice).
I grew up with a lot of bullies in my life too, bullies at home, bullies at school, and bullies at work.. and after a while I noticed something about them. Bullies are really just weaklings trying to hide their own weaknesses by aggression. Bullies don”t understand their own emotions and so they bully because they are weak and feel threatened by anyone who seem to have it together and they want to bring anyone who seem stronger than them down to their level. Be proud you”re not weak like they are, it takes a lot of strength and courage to be kind and this world is so full of ignorant weaklings. If you can and as long as they don”t touch you, ignore and avoid them like the pests they are because their words have no meaning, they don”t know you, they just want to hurt you. Concentrate on improving yourself and don”t waste your attentions on them because that”s what they want. Bullies want attention and they want your reactions, once you stop giving that to them, they lose interest. I stopped wasting my attention and energy on negative people like bullies, they are energy vampires and they will exhaust you if you let them get to you. When you know your priorities, you can stop giving a sh*t and mentally block anyone who isn”t your friend off and anything they say is as good as your neighbor”s barking dog. Prioritize yourself and everything else is irrelevant.
Sound advice, Tag. Thanks for contributing to the conversation. -Judge Tom